White coat. Heels.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
