Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The best revenge is premature balding
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
