woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
