His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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