i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
