Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
