trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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