Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
