Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
