Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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