Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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