Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We're facebook friends in real life
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
