i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
