My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
