Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
