I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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