AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We had sex on a dog bed..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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