You were right. It hurts to walk today.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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