I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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