he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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