Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
