paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
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