The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
