i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
