Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
