She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
