dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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