she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize