If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
