Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
