She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
