I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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