I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
