Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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