He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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