yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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