while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
