Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
