It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
worst night to have a conscience
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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