so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
