Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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