Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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