Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
