I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
