I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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