You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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