I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
