please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
