i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
