I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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